I AM SO EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE that we are releasing a new 7investing service today. Welcome to 7investing DAY TRADER!
Our newest service will give stock picks on a minute-by-minute basis.
THAT’S RIGHT, we’ll now be issuing dozens – no…HUNDREDS – of new recommendations EVERY SINGLE DAY!
There’s no need to look at business fundamentals, management strategies, or the way markets are evolving any more. Our goal here is to get in and out in a fraction of a second – so we can all make a quick buck by the time lunch is ready.
I’m EVEN MORE EXCITED to reveal the lead advisor of our newest DAY TRADER service:
That’s right, it’s Punxsutawney Phil!!
Phil gave us a head-nod when we mentioned the idea to him. We interpreted that as his acceptance of this second role in his professional career.
Besides, why only predict the weather ONE SINGLE TIME PER YEAR when you could be analyzing your shadow SEVERAL HUNDRED TIMES EVERY DAY to make market-crushing stock recommendations??
I’m not gonna lie…the compensation we agreed to with Phil for this role was pretty steep. It’s costing us an arm and a leg, but it was for a very good reason.
You see, Phil will be using his proprietary Rodent Stockpicking Index (RSI ©) to carefully analyze every single tick, mark, and hanging chad of the stock market’s trending signals on a minute-by-minute basis.
Phil hasn’t revealed all of his secrets. But he did explain that his RSI © has a LONG-TAIL INDICATOR* that it uses to predict the market’s movements.
In fact, Phil’s RSI © long-tail indicator had 100% ACCURACY for a COMBINED 20 MINUTE PERIOD during 2021 AND 2022!
That means that FOR ALMOST HALF AN HOUR last year, it PERFECTLY PREDICTED exactly what the stock market was going to do!!
*The RSI© long-tail indicator is based upon a proprietary and stock-predicting image that is recognized by only the world’s most prestigious traders. The AI-powered software used to analyze this image is due out later this year and will be bargain priced at only $10,000 per month.
Don’t Let This Opportunity Pass You By!
7INVESTING DAY TRADER is the best opportunity you’ll ever have at predicting the stock market’s minute-by-minute movements. It’s a sure-thing for anyone who wants to spend less time learning about investing and spend more time obsessing about every single one of the market’s daily gyrations.
But you’ll have to act fact, because this deal will be expiring in the next 17 seconds. We also only accept Dogecoin as a form of payment and it will only be available for residents of Madagascar.
ACT TODAY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS SPECIAL OFFER!!
PS: If for any reason you’re not compelled by this day-trading offer and would prefer instead to have long-term stock investing advice from a tenured team of experts that is based upon through analysis of business fundamentals, leadership strategies, and market innovation, please click here to join our other 7investing Premium service instead.
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